Ha ha ha its not what u think. It took me more than 10 painful hours. It was surprisingly tough.
Day 1 -did a solid 2 hours on the music for the clip & took 5 short videos. learn how to use
windows movie maker, did a raw clip
Day 2 -refine the music, additional 5 more short videos and many
pictures . redo the raw clip with new materials
Day 3 -refine everything and last minute tot of a crazy idea to abuse the movie maker.
Day 4 -re-refine everything and movie launched!!
Did with keyboard, a music recorder, a camera phone, windows movie maker, some free bundle movie maker software that comes along with my dvd burner, windows paint, some art clips and my 3 nights of lack of sleep. Ta-da!! My very first home made short movie.
The manual synchronizing of the movie and the music was very very tough, since I was such a lazy bum in simple calculation. I agak agak and use my invisible ruler to measure the length here and there but did pretty ok, I think.
Yes yes yes, please call me Steven Spillbird. No no no, its not what you think again....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Noir
Since the last post, I have been getting in the mood for something sinister. This is for an upcoming project. This is a teaser. Don't wonder too far away or you will get lost. Heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Trailer-Noir
I will perfect this baby later.
Trailer-Noir
I will perfect this baby later.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Black & White
Oh, and I forgot to mention this part of me. And I to share with all of you.
I have this dream when I was around 5/6 years old. My mother was alive then. I did not dare to tell her about it.
I always like animals. They are cute and gullible and nice to play with. But this time, I dreamt of 2 white rabbits, a mother rabbit and her child. I played with both of them and I felt very happy during the moments. And then, I decided to tie up the mother. I toke out a knife or cleaver (cant remember the details) and slowly cut her child's legs one by one, in front of her. I can almost visualize the bone crunching feeling on my cleaver, as I forced it against the child's legs, on the wooden cutting board.'Crack'. Since rabbit doesn't yell/scream (at least they dont in my dream), its was a silent struggle. Suddenly this strange feeling of enjoyment rushed inside of me. Its cruel and I like it. Very much. To ensure the maximum sensation, I decided to rubbed the mother rabbit's face against the blood of her own child. I thought I saw the mother shed a tear........ fulfilling.
It was then I woke up. This mixed up feeling was new to me. Guilt, sad, cruel, scared that pains my heart now mixed with joy and happiness. Strange but I like it. Ever since, I knew there is a Black & White inside of me.
Don't worry guys. Until today, I don't enjoy killing even an ant. Posting this out is kinda of strange. Its like exposing myself, bare naked. Its......fulfilling....
P.S. I still like animals very much. Especially cute ones. Totemo kawai desu! Want to see how they looked in blood red? LOL. :P
I have this dream when I was around 5/6 years old. My mother was alive then. I did not dare to tell her about it.
I always like animals. They are cute and gullible and nice to play with. But this time, I dreamt of 2 white rabbits, a mother rabbit and her child. I played with both of them and I felt very happy during the moments. And then, I decided to tie up the mother. I toke out a knife or cleaver (cant remember the details) and slowly cut her child's legs one by one, in front of her. I can almost visualize the bone crunching feeling on my cleaver, as I forced it against the child's legs, on the wooden cutting board.'Crack'. Since rabbit doesn't yell/scream (at least they dont in my dream), its was a silent struggle. Suddenly this strange feeling of enjoyment rushed inside of me. Its cruel and I like it. Very much. To ensure the maximum sensation, I decided to rubbed the mother rabbit's face against the blood of her own child. I thought I saw the mother shed a tear........ fulfilling.
It was then I woke up. This mixed up feeling was new to me. Guilt, sad, cruel, scared that pains my heart now mixed with joy and happiness. Strange but I like it. Ever since, I knew there is a Black & White inside of me.
Don't worry guys. Until today, I don't enjoy killing even an ant. Posting this out is kinda of strange. Its like exposing myself, bare naked. Its......fulfilling....
P.S. I still like animals very much. Especially cute ones. Totemo kawai desu! Want to see how they looked in blood red? LOL. :P
Friday, January 18, 2008
Selfish Is Me
After a long deep series of thinking, I decided to brand myself as an extremely selfish guy. At least I admit. I found out that everything that I do/did, end up with 'I, Me and Myself'. Some example,
I want to be a good person.
Cos I wanted everybody to respect me. I wanted to fulfill my fantasy as a hero. I wanted people to love me, look up to me. I wanted people to envy me.
I want to help people. I want to save animals.
Cos I want to ease the pain in my heart. If that 'pain' does not exist in the first place, I do not think I will move a finger.
I do something good and sacrifice myself without telling people.
I wanted to act cool. Like those hero in the shows. Waaaa, so cool....
See? All things around me that I thought I am doing for everyone else ends up with ME. Strange but true. Most of us just didn't realize or doesn't admit. Beneath those flowery words and noble decoration, its the ugly word, 'Selfish'. So, in the end, I am just emjoying myself. I aint mr good guy after all. :D
I want to be a good person.
Cos I wanted everybody to respect me. I wanted to fulfill my fantasy as a hero. I wanted people to love me, look up to me. I wanted people to envy me.
I want to help people. I want to save animals.
Cos I want to ease the pain in my heart. If that 'pain' does not exist in the first place, I do not think I will move a finger.
I do something good and sacrifice myself without telling people.
I wanted to act cool. Like those hero in the shows. Waaaa, so cool....
See? All things around me that I thought I am doing for everyone else ends up with ME. Strange but true. Most of us just didn't realize or doesn't admit. Beneath those flowery words and noble decoration, its the ugly word, 'Selfish'. So, in the end, I am just emjoying myself. I aint mr good guy after all. :D
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
My Grandpa, My beloved Yeye
My grandpa is a nice plum plum/chubby/round round/short short happy(sometimes grumpy) old man. He is the greatest person in my life. And my greatest lost in my life. This song is dedicated to him.
Obokuri-Ee Umi (Obtain Bearing) performed by Ikue Asazaki
I lost my mom when I was 7. And he came to the rescue. Shouldering both the role of as my grandfather and my mother. His love and care for us (me/bro/sis) is no less than any other proud mother in the world. He walked me to school. By walking means he walked, and i took school bus. He is so kind that he dont want to trouble the bus driver, even the driver insisted. He will wait for me the whole morning till recess. And come back to pick me up later that day.
He does most of the house hold work and cooks for us. His cooking was, well.... very experimental. Normally ends up with the weirdest of the weird. We will have to close our eyes and swallows most of them. But I really don't mind if he can cook for me again. I will taste them with all my heart.
He will often cry shamelessly in front of the tv, whenever news broadcasts some less fortunate people. And immediate remind us that we should be grateful. There are lots of other people suffering out there. He teaches us to be kind to animals. We end up forming a kitty rescue mission. Whenever we hear poor stray kittens yelling, we will hunt down and rescue them. They are normally new borns that fell into drains.
He will clean us when we are in a mess. Especially after 'biggie' and some other worst situations. We will wipe out butt, and cheekily say..." Haiyah, so old already still want granpa to clean your butt. Will you all remember and help to wipe granpa's when I am old, wheel chaired and senile?"
Without much of a thought, I answered yes. I was 7, and I just wanted the whole ordeal to finish so I can continue whatever I am doing.
13 yrs later.
One day, my grandpa was accompanying my uncle for a medical checkup. Since my uncle is not really nice person, my grandpa keeps nagging in the car, till the point when reaching the hospital, he was rushed to the emergency department instead, for breathing difficulty. After a detail check up, doctor recommended a 'balloon' treatment for some blocked arteries. Everything went smooth and then before he was discharged, he had urinal problem and so, did a prostate gland operation. During that period, I was beside him almost every night. Work in the morning, the went home to bathe after work, and then went straight to hospital to accompany him till morning, rushed home, bathe and go to work. That was my routine during that few month. Felt tired during some moments, but I don't mind. I love him. How can I just leave him at night, especially when he was on medication, which turns him into a troublemaker. We don't want to trouble the nurse. Its our grandpa, our responsible. So, I will sleep near him on a chair, feeding mosquitoes and attend to his needs at night.
During that period, he cant bend really much. So when he need to do his business, he need to do it in a standing position. Of course, messy. I will be the one normally accompany him to the toilet hold on to him during the process and clean his mess up. Often, he tears and felt so sorry. But I told him that I DO remember our promise when I was young, that I will too wipe his butt if one day he needs us. I told him not to thank me. Instead thank yourself for teaching us humanity. It was all his credit for what I am now.
I found out that I despise my uncles. Deep inside my heart, I am more than willing to clean up my grandfather, where they will hesitate and change the subject whenever my grandfather needs to go to the loo. But that is still fine. I don't mind at all having grandpa all by myself. But the worse things is, they brag about what they have done for grandfather. "I rushed from work to come here to see father, I rushed and find the best porridge for father, I have to cancel this and that to make time to see father". Poor grandfather. They are his sons. I will never ever forgive them. This IS my grudge. Do you think I will give you the respect you deserve after this? I never realized humans can be so foul and disgusting, especial that they share the same blood line with me. High education my ass. They hold high degrees and full of moral, and yet, they are afraid to soiled their hands touching their own father. Fine fine. This is my granfather's story, not mine, so i will stop here.
My grandfather was healing, but the prostate problem still not over yet. So the docs suggested to do some sort of drilling in to the urinal tube. Thats where the drama started. The operation somehow backfired. During the drilling process, the bladder had a minor explosion, cause by the reaction from the drilling and some 'gas' inside the bladder. This sure is one strangest case, cos its the first time in Malaysia. Causing massive blood lost, my grandfather went through another few operations. Doc ask us to expect the worst. Low pulse and having fever, chances are slim. Again, those animals outside waiting are discussing about my grandpa's will. How to divide accordingly. I overheard and I jump and yelled and jump and jump and shouted at them, what are they thinking, discussing things like that when grandpa was fighting for his life? They went hoo haa on me and my grandfather's sister was saying that should give me a share cos I am the eldest grandchild and grandfather loved me. I do not want grandfathers money. I do not need them. I am mad at them for being like animals. Even if you ARE an animal, please somehow make some effort to act like you aren't one. Sigh. Anyway, thank god my grandfather recovered despite of the odds. Many many thanks to the docs and nurses too.
8 quality yrs later.
Finally, he passed away quite sudden last year. But he passed away peacefully, with no pain, no suffer. I was not with him when he passes away. By the time i reached, grandfather was already in the morgue. My brother told me that his last words was "When is tai ko ko (means eldest brother) coming back?" in a weak and confused state. My brother answered "Soon, he is on the bus." My brother didn't tell me that until I got back. I don't know how to react when he told that..... I do not want all this drama limelight to be focus on me. Why me? I hated my role in this series of Hong Kong/Korean drama.
The finale, was the part where I have to except that my grandfather was in that little urn. How can a plum plum/chubby/round round/short short happy(sometimes grumpy) old man able to fit into such an urn. I know its stupid, but during that time, this is not very logical to me. My heart sunk more deeper. I always massages his shoulder, make fun of his bald head and kiss his oily face. All is left is powder and broken bones. I can't physically feel and touch him anymore. This feeling is so weird. So surreal.
Yeye, I am so proud of you and will not ever forget you. I will carry your principle and walk proud as your grandson. Rest in peace my dearest grandpa.
Obokuri-Ee Umi (Obtain Bearing) performed by Ikue Asazaki
I lost my mom when I was 7. And he came to the rescue. Shouldering both the role of as my grandfather and my mother. His love and care for us (me/bro/sis) is no less than any other proud mother in the world. He walked me to school. By walking means he walked, and i took school bus. He is so kind that he dont want to trouble the bus driver, even the driver insisted. He will wait for me the whole morning till recess. And come back to pick me up later that day.
He does most of the house hold work and cooks for us. His cooking was, well.... very experimental. Normally ends up with the weirdest of the weird. We will have to close our eyes and swallows most of them. But I really don't mind if he can cook for me again. I will taste them with all my heart.
He will often cry shamelessly in front of the tv, whenever news broadcasts some less fortunate people. And immediate remind us that we should be grateful. There are lots of other people suffering out there. He teaches us to be kind to animals. We end up forming a kitty rescue mission. Whenever we hear poor stray kittens yelling, we will hunt down and rescue them. They are normally new borns that fell into drains.
He will clean us when we are in a mess. Especially after 'biggie' and some other worst situations. We will wipe out butt, and cheekily say..." Haiyah, so old already still want granpa to clean your butt. Will you all remember and help to wipe granpa's when I am old, wheel chaired and senile?"
Without much of a thought, I answered yes. I was 7, and I just wanted the whole ordeal to finish so I can continue whatever I am doing.
13 yrs later.
One day, my grandpa was accompanying my uncle for a medical checkup. Since my uncle is not really nice person, my grandpa keeps nagging in the car, till the point when reaching the hospital, he was rushed to the emergency department instead, for breathing difficulty. After a detail check up, doctor recommended a 'balloon' treatment for some blocked arteries. Everything went smooth and then before he was discharged, he had urinal problem and so, did a prostate gland operation. During that period, I was beside him almost every night. Work in the morning, the went home to bathe after work, and then went straight to hospital to accompany him till morning, rushed home, bathe and go to work. That was my routine during that few month. Felt tired during some moments, but I don't mind. I love him. How can I just leave him at night, especially when he was on medication, which turns him into a troublemaker. We don't want to trouble the nurse. Its our grandpa, our responsible. So, I will sleep near him on a chair, feeding mosquitoes and attend to his needs at night.
During that period, he cant bend really much. So when he need to do his business, he need to do it in a standing position. Of course, messy. I will be the one normally accompany him to the toilet hold on to him during the process and clean his mess up. Often, he tears and felt so sorry. But I told him that I DO remember our promise when I was young, that I will too wipe his butt if one day he needs us. I told him not to thank me. Instead thank yourself for teaching us humanity. It was all his credit for what I am now.
I found out that I despise my uncles. Deep inside my heart, I am more than willing to clean up my grandfather, where they will hesitate and change the subject whenever my grandfather needs to go to the loo. But that is still fine. I don't mind at all having grandpa all by myself. But the worse things is, they brag about what they have done for grandfather. "I rushed from work to come here to see father, I rushed and find the best porridge for father, I have to cancel this and that to make time to see father". Poor grandfather. They are his sons. I will never ever forgive them. This IS my grudge. Do you think I will give you the respect you deserve after this? I never realized humans can be so foul and disgusting, especial that they share the same blood line with me. High education my ass. They hold high degrees and full of moral, and yet, they are afraid to soiled their hands touching their own father. Fine fine. This is my granfather's story, not mine, so i will stop here.
My grandfather was healing, but the prostate problem still not over yet. So the docs suggested to do some sort of drilling in to the urinal tube. Thats where the drama started. The operation somehow backfired. During the drilling process, the bladder had a minor explosion, cause by the reaction from the drilling and some 'gas' inside the bladder. This sure is one strangest case, cos its the first time in Malaysia. Causing massive blood lost, my grandfather went through another few operations. Doc ask us to expect the worst. Low pulse and having fever, chances are slim. Again, those animals outside waiting are discussing about my grandpa's will. How to divide accordingly. I overheard and I jump and yelled and jump and jump and shouted at them, what are they thinking, discussing things like that when grandpa was fighting for his life? They went hoo haa on me and my grandfather's sister was saying that should give me a share cos I am the eldest grandchild and grandfather loved me. I do not want grandfathers money. I do not need them. I am mad at them for being like animals. Even if you ARE an animal, please somehow make some effort to act like you aren't one. Sigh. Anyway, thank god my grandfather recovered despite of the odds. Many many thanks to the docs and nurses too.
8 quality yrs later.
Finally, he passed away quite sudden last year. But he passed away peacefully, with no pain, no suffer. I was not with him when he passes away. By the time i reached, grandfather was already in the morgue. My brother told me that his last words was "When is tai ko ko (means eldest brother) coming back?" in a weak and confused state. My brother answered "Soon, he is on the bus." My brother didn't tell me that until I got back. I don't know how to react when he told that..... I do not want all this drama limelight to be focus on me. Why me? I hated my role in this series of Hong Kong/Korean drama.
The finale, was the part where I have to except that my grandfather was in that little urn. How can a plum plum/chubby/round round/short short happy(sometimes grumpy) old man able to fit into such an urn. I know its stupid, but during that time, this is not very logical to me. My heart sunk more deeper. I always massages his shoulder, make fun of his bald head and kiss his oily face. All is left is powder and broken bones. I can't physically feel and touch him anymore. This feeling is so weird. So surreal.
Yeye, I am so proud of you and will not ever forget you. I will carry your principle and walk proud as your grandson. Rest in peace my dearest grandpa.
My Fav Song
This is one of the song which I cried so hard. Yeah yeah i am a softie. I really dont fancy for great love, proving love by this and sacrificing for that. I just want a simple life where everybody is fine and nothing unusual. Boring vs Great love (happy +sacrifices/heaven and earth = great love), i choose boring. Sometimes, you wish that your love will be so dramatic that you can prove your love by overcoming so great sacrifices or end up losing youself of someone, just to paint out a giant great love, but for what? If you can think beyond that, you will understand that by having each other in a most boring way is the best ending.
Return to Love by Giela Zilkha (Jazz Version)
Return to Love by Tomoe Omi (Japanese Version)
My self-delusional impression of the of the song:
I am leaving. Please dont cry, please smile for me instead. Let me wipe away your tears. We will somehow, return to love, one day. I wish I am the one to love u forever, but I am leaving now. Dont loose hope, as your future is still bright. Its all going to be alright. Its just part of our journey. So, pls sit by me, lets enjoy the stars in the sky, and lets make a wish, a wish that we will return to love, again some day.
I wish I will never have to say these words in the future. Never...... ever.
Return to Love by Giela Zilkha (Jazz Version)
Return to Love by Tomoe Omi (Japanese Version)
My self-delusional impression of the of the song:
I am leaving. Please dont cry, please smile for me instead. Let me wipe away your tears. We will somehow, return to love, one day. I wish I am the one to love u forever, but I am leaving now. Dont loose hope, as your future is still bright. Its all going to be alright. Its just part of our journey. So, pls sit by me, lets enjoy the stars in the sky, and lets make a wish, a wish that we will return to love, again some day.
I wish I will never have to say these words in the future. Never...... ever.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Forgotten Happy Moments
I just found some of my long lost forgotten happy moments. They always give me chuckles and sometimes a few slaps my on my face (for those very very very embarrassing moments... sigh). Its not good to dwell in the past. But is not good to totally forget it all either. Sometimes it happened for a reason, either to remind us about the mistake, to remember someone dear, to remind ourselves that we are 'sorta' lucky too. Take this chance, while enjoying the music below, pick up some of your pasts. Replay it. Appreciate your memories for they won't last forever.
FORGOTTEN MEMORIES - Piano
Bitter Sweet - Piano Style :)
FORGOTTEN MEMORIES - Piano
Bitter Sweet - Piano Style :)
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