So Long, (Not that.....)

This song is SO in the right moment.

Steven's Journey Of A Thousand Mile

Thanks for all the support during my blogging days. Thanks for the visits. Thanks for the comments(sorry which I disabled, for certain reason). Thanks for knowing me. And most of all, thanks for making me feel my own existence.

The world is so big, and yet it looks so small to me. Yes, I choose to confine myself even after I exposed myself to the wonders of the world. Maybe I am sick. Or maybe I am just plain lazy. Maybe I hate crowds of people. Or maybe I just hate every single soul. Maybe I am different. Or maybe I am just a stupid smart ass who thought he is different, and ends up being some lunatic wannabe.

I have too many contradictory that I need to sort out myself.

I am happy to be truthful, telling my thoughts and my point of view without hesitation, and my real life experience, where I succeed and failed. But, I too enjoy lying. How I succeed in outrageous lies and challenge for more, is.... exciting.

I am happy to share laughter with all people, doing silly acts, telling funny jokes, watching people laugh. At the same, I am too, much happy to be alone, in my own chalk square drawn on the floor. Just standing still. Doing nothing and silent is my party.

So I made a choice, which is to stand alone, sharing my thoughts with myself and most of the time, having a good time myself, with myself ....no, no, no dirty thoughts :) Steven ain't a bit sexy, so don't even try... LOL

Wish me luck and, don't...., ever...., envy me :p Have a good life and makes no regret. See ya!! errr.. nnnnnnnnope. You wont be seeing me. "Tell the world to remember me as a hero...ro...o..o..o..." *fades....


Bye!
From Steven with love

Old Man Steve

"Today,... we are gathered here..... here... here.. (echo echo... *silent...) to applaud one of the most prestigious awards.... awards.. awards.. (echo echo... *2 x coughs) that Her Majesty sees fit to bestow... Sir Uncle Steven!! (Hurrahhhhhhh!! *crowds gone wild...) Sir Uncle Steven kissed the Queen's hand and turn towards the crowd.... (Still hurrahing.... *camera flashings...) lift ups his hand and wave to the crowd, then comes the loud bang! The explosions! The super pyrotechnic special effects! Sir Uncle Steven grace down the stage, back to the hallway along the red carpet. Fans cheering, pushing their way, trying to knock down the wall of the well built bodyguards. Ok, ok. Most of the fans are female. Ok ok ok... Most of the fans are young attractive females. Ok, ok, OK!!!! ALL OF THE FANS ARE YOUNG ATTRACTIVE SEXY FEMALES!!!!!! Happy NOW? *continues... One fan broke through and ask for my signature. I toke out a pen ask ask which picture of she wants me to sign. And she said, "Sign here." I was shocked. I gasped. But I signed. Then she whined "But, but they are twins..." Being a gentlemen as I am, I signed one more time. I told her that I have never sign on something like this before and I expressed my awkward feeling. She ensure me that its ok and because she loves them so much, and she hopes that I will love them too. What can I say.... I am a man. No, a GENTLEMEN! So I offered a kiss beside the signatures. Then the crowd lets out a sweet (Awwwww......) I pat my lips dry and continue to waltz away. The lady shouted "Will I see you again? Soon?". I told her that I would love to play with her twins sometime too, but being a Sir, is not a simple chore. I told her to take care of herself and her beautiful twins. As I marched and marched towards the car, I looked back. The beautiful lady wave a vigorous goodbye and so did her.... twins..... jumping up and down waving to me simultaneously. What a touching sight. I shed a tear. And got into the car. I explained this sensational encounter with my driver and he refused to believe, and said that there is no such beautiful lady in the world that would ever let me sign on their daughters forehead. I chuckled and said, "Jimmy..... you'll know you're a man, when you're a man. I am old now. These things will happen to me like at least twice a day from now on....Yes... from now on...." - *music starts... (James Bond theme)

I officially declare myself Uncle Steven now. You know... you must be old and senile enough to some up with the above shit... right? hehe

Twin Sister!

La version duex

JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES

Another child is born...

This child is the result of a one night stand between an Irish man, a Chinese women, a Japanese man and a western cow-girl. Again, I created a monster.

JOURNEY OF a THOUSAND MILES

OMG Kittens!!!

Cheer up everybody. Pls?

Palace of The Golden Horses

(picture from website)

Yo misti, this is the Palace of The Golden Horses I've mentioned.

This is the enterance.
(picture from website)

These are the photos I took during my stay in this hotel, thanks to Peter. It is situated just behind/next to the Mines Wonderland, where you(misti) took a boat ride during your(her) last visit.

This is the side entrance.

This is at the corridor of the hotel rooms. The room that I took was very very far in. I have to walk pass at least 20 rooms to get there.


This is the Minister Suite. It is divided into 3 portion, each with TV sets. The first is the living room, complete with a washroom, a working table and tv. Best for meeting and entertaining guests.


My working desk. Where I work and write very important notes. Like what food to order for room service.


Then the bedroom. Best for.... ahem ..... sleeping?


And this extra room is for.... I have no idea. Maybe its for those who have noisy kids so their parents can lock them in when they meed to have a peaceful meeting with important guests outside the living hall. Hey! There's another working table! (Where I can hide and order extra food just for my self.... Muahahahaha)


Yes, I have toilet fetishes. My fanny fancy high class loo. :P As they have 2 toilets, I have decided to use the living hall toilet for pee pee and the bedroom toilet for poo poo.
And being a cheapo me, I have decided to grab all of the lotions and soaps and tooth brushes before I leave including the sanitary disposal bags... (just what am I thinking)



This is taken from the balcony outside the room.



Water taxi.

After a check at the counter during my checking out, I found out the room costs RM600++ a night. And no way its gona coming out from my wallet. If I have known earlier, I am sure I would have brought back their 3 TVs and the fax machine down into my car.

Overall, its a pleasant stay. Not the best, but this one sure has the most portion of rooms! I had to plan each day how to make full use of the rooms.... oh boy so busy....so busy....

Misti? Wana book this for your next trip down? I help call. So many rooms to play with, I am sure you dont need to go out lio... stay in happy lio right?

Happy Briday MistiMoo

Here's a present for ya!

Its no value, but I invested my precious 6 hours of sleeping time for this 2 mins thing. Hope you like it. Happy Birthday!!!



HAPI HAPI BIRDAY !! LALALALALALALLALALALALALALALALALALALAL (lack of sleep)

Talk to yourself more

As crazy as it sounds, I think we all should talk to ourselves. For those who have not, pls. do and those who did pls. talk more. Everyone have split personalities. Maybe just 1, or maybe more ;) But like it or not, they are the true you.

But pls. talk to yourselves honestly, not point bluffing yourselves right? LOL. This is not crazy. No no no. I always get lots of answers from talking to myself. If you got an angry friend inside you, ask him why and what he wants. Reach an agreeable point and he will calm down. If you got a very sad friend lurking in the corner, invite him over and talk. Ask him of his sorrows, listen to him and see if you can do anything to help. Sometimes just listening and talk to him will do a great deal of help.

You see, a lot of ppl do not know themselves well, even though they said they know. Some of them even pretend or bluff themselves. Well, they might be the richest guy in the world or the most successful guy on earth, but if they do not know themselves, there will be always a feeling of an empty gap inside them. Maybe not, they are too rich to be talking to themselves or feeling empty!! .... oh man. I wish I am that rich.

Just talk to yourselves more if you have time ok? LOL. And beware of some of the inner you(s). They are very negative. If you can tame them, you are the man. If you can't, pls. at least ignore them cos they will normally rob you off, cheat on you, lie to you and eventually take command. By then, pls. don't look for me!! :D I am just a crazy man. See? I talk to myselves!!

I even developed a habit of talking to the 'imaginary' people around me. First I capture their way of thinking things. Understand how they think and their character, then I copied their image to my brain and create a duplicate of them and start asking them questions. For me, this is pretty accurate and most of the time I can predict their actions before they answer. Works like magic :D Try not to be naughty once you master this ok? Ok, its about time for me to leave. I need to to talk and think like the toto drawing machine again. Oi, Don't blame me leh.... 10MIL leh!!! With it, there is no time or ever the need to talk to myselves anymore!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *chokes

Do you treat others as you would like to be treated?

Well I do. Maybe thats why I got hurt so easily. Call me Mr Vulnerable or Mr Softie, even Mr Sensitive. 90% of the time, I treat others sincerely with my heart. Maybe thats the reason. A villain doesn't born evil. Often they are mistreated and being abuse on their good nature, and finally betrayed.
(Sincerity + Love) x (Abuse + Betrayal) = Amount of Hatred

Well..... #^$(&^&%*(^*&^%&*(^&*%*^&^WERFDUW%OTI&%YUOTP*%T(OTDUFIR*&EYTDFLIFDSR$#%$%*&(
T(OR&%^$*E(*FT^S&E*FYUDSR^&*FYDTS^%&^*FYUT&*FUTDSW^%#^W&^*(*)(*(*(SYUIOHT(R^&E^WUSTCVO
*T*EW$UI^RT(^E&^UEROIFUYRS%EFYIUDYR.... BAH!

Hahahahaha. Dont worry dont worry, I am alright lol. Thanks for the concern.
I am still sane, just sometimes I wish I am not :P

P.S. Confucius says humans are born kind. My oppinion is exactly the opposite. Humans are born selfish, barbaric and evil. When they are born, they are just the same like any other animals, only a little bit special, we are born along with the 7 deadly sins. Its written in our gene and that our true nature. The wisdom is the only thing thats can control and suppress our evil nature. As we are not born with wisdom, only the journey of life will guide and give us wisdom. And only with wisdom, we can finally call ourselves HUMANS.

My First Home Made Video!

Ha ha ha its not what u think. It took me more than 10 painful hours. It was surprisingly tough.

Day 1 -did a solid 2 hours on the music for the clip & took 5 short videos. learn how to use
windows movie maker, did a raw clip
Day 2 -refine the music, additional 5 more short videos and many
pictures . redo the raw clip with new materials
Day 3 -refine everything and last minute tot of a crazy idea to abuse the movie maker.
Day 4 -re-refine everything and movie launched!!

Did with keyboard, a music recorder, a camera phone, windows movie maker, some free bundle movie maker software that comes along with my dvd burner, windows paint, some art clips and my 3 nights of lack of sleep. Ta-da!! My very first home made short movie.



The manual synchronizing of the movie and the music was very very tough, since I was such a lazy bum in simple calculation. I agak agak and use my invisible ruler to measure the length here and there but did pretty ok, I think.

Yes yes yes, please call me Steven Spillbird. No no no, its not what you think again....

Noir

Since the last post, I have been getting in the mood for something sinister. This is for an upcoming project. This is a teaser. Don't wonder too far away or you will get lost. Heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Trailer-Noir


I will perfect this baby later.

Black & White

Oh, and I forgot to mention this part of me. And I to share with all of you.
I have this dream when I was around 5/6 years old. My mother was alive then. I did not dare to tell her about it.

I always like animals. They are cute and gullible and nice to play with. But this time, I dreamt of 2 white rabbits, a mother rabbit and her child. I played with both of them and I felt very happy during the moments. And then, I decided to tie up the mother. I toke out a knife or cleaver (cant remember the details) and slowly cut her child's legs one by one, in front of her. I can almost visualize the bone crunching feeling on my cleaver, as I forced it against the child's legs, on the wooden cutting board.'Crack'. Since rabbit doesn't yell/scream (at least they dont in my dream), its was a silent struggle. Suddenly this strange feeling of enjoyment rushed inside of me. Its cruel and I like it. Very much. To ensure the maximum sensation, I decided to rubbed the mother rabbit's face against the blood of her own child. I thought I saw the mother shed a tear........ fulfilling.

It was then I woke up. This mixed up feeling was new to me. Guilt, sad, cruel, scared that pains my heart now mixed with joy and happiness. Strange but I like it. Ever since, I knew there is a Black & White inside of me.
Don't worry guys. Until today, I don't enjoy killing even an ant. Posting this out is kinda of strange. Its like exposing myself, bare naked. Its......fulfilling....

P.S. I still like animals very much. Especially cute ones. Totemo kawai desu! Want to see how they looked in blood red? LOL. :P

Selfish Is Me

After a long deep series of thinking, I decided to brand myself as an extremely selfish guy. At least I admit. I found out that everything that I do/did, end up with 'I, Me and Myself'. Some example,

I want to be a good person.
Cos I wanted everybody to respect me. I wanted to fulfill my fantasy as a hero. I wanted people to love me, look up to me. I wanted people to envy me.

I want to help people. I want to save animals.
Cos I want to ease the pain in my heart. If that 'pain' does not exist in the first place, I do not think I will move a finger.

I do something good and sacrifice myself without telling people.
I wanted to act cool. Like those hero in the shows. Waaaa, so cool....

See? All things around me that I thought I am doing for everyone else ends up with ME. Strange but true. Most of us just didn't realize or doesn't admit. Beneath those flowery words and noble decoration, its the ugly word, 'Selfish'. So, in the end, I am just emjoying myself. I aint mr good guy after all. :D

My Grandpa, My beloved Yeye

My grandpa is a nice plum plum/chubby/round round/short short happy(sometimes grumpy) old man. He is the greatest person in my life. And my greatest lost in my life. This song is dedicated to him.

Obokuri-Ee Umi (Obtain Bearing) performed by Ikue Asazaki


I lost my mom when I was 7. And he came to the rescue. Shouldering both the role of as my grandfather and my mother. His love and care for us (me/bro/sis) is no less than any other proud mother in the world. He walked me to school. By walking means he walked, and i took school bus. He is so kind that he dont want to trouble the bus driver, even the driver insisted. He will wait for me the whole morning till recess. And come back to pick me up later that day.

He does most of the house hold work and cooks for us. His cooking was, well.... very experimental. Normally ends up with the weirdest of the weird. We will have to close our eyes and swallows most of them. But I really don't mind if he can cook for me again. I will taste them with all my heart.

He will often cry shamelessly in front of the tv, whenever news broadcasts some less fortunate people. And immediate remind us that we should be grateful. There are lots of other people suffering out there. He teaches us to be kind to animals. We end up forming a kitty rescue mission. Whenever we hear poor stray kittens yelling, we will hunt down and rescue them. They are normally new borns that fell into drains.

He will clean us when we are in a mess. Especially after 'biggie' and some other worst situations. We will wipe out butt, and cheekily say..." Haiyah, so old already still want granpa to clean your butt. Will you all remember and help to wipe granpa's when I am old, wheel chaired and senile?"
Without much of a thought, I answered yes. I was 7, and I just wanted the whole ordeal to finish so I can continue whatever I am doing.

13 yrs later.

One day, my grandpa was accompanying my uncle for a medical checkup. Since my uncle is not really nice person, my grandpa keeps nagging in the car, till the point when reaching the hospital, he was rushed to the emergency department instead, for breathing difficulty. After a detail check up, doctor recommended a 'balloon' treatment for some blocked arteries. Everything went smooth and then before he was discharged, he had urinal problem and so, did a prostate gland operation. During that period, I was beside him almost every night. Work in the morning, the went home to bathe after work, and then went straight to hospital to accompany him till morning, rushed home, bathe and go to work. That was my routine during that few month. Felt tired during some moments, but I don't mind. I love him. How can I just leave him at night, especially when he was on medication, which turns him into a troublemaker. We don't want to trouble the nurse. Its our grandpa, our responsible. So, I will sleep near him on a chair, feeding mosquitoes and attend to his needs at night.

During that period, he cant bend really much. So when he need to do his business, he need to do it in a standing position. Of course, messy. I will be the one normally accompany him to the toilet hold on to him during the process and clean his mess up. Often, he tears and felt so sorry. But I told him that I DO remember our promise when I was young, that I will too wipe his butt if one day he needs us. I told him not to thank me. Instead thank yourself for teaching us humanity. It was all his credit for what I am now.

I found out that I despise my uncles. Deep inside my heart, I am more than willing to clean up my grandfather, where they will hesitate and change the subject whenever my grandfather needs to go to the loo. But that is still fine. I don't mind at all having grandpa all by myself. But the worse things is, they brag about what they have done for grandfather. "I rushed from work to come here to see father, I rushed and find the best porridge for father, I have to cancel this and that to make time to see father". Poor grandfather. They are his sons. I will never ever forgive them. This IS my grudge. Do you think I will give you the respect you deserve after this? I never realized humans can be so foul and disgusting, especial that they share the same blood line with me. High education my ass. They hold high degrees and full of moral, and yet, they are afraid to soiled their hands touching their own father. Fine fine. This is my granfather's story, not mine, so i will stop here.

My grandfather was healing, but the prostate problem still not over yet. So the docs suggested to do some sort of drilling in to the urinal tube. Thats where the drama started. The operation somehow backfired. During the drilling process, the bladder had a minor explosion, cause by the reaction from the drilling and some 'gas' inside the bladder. This sure is one strangest case, cos its the first time in Malaysia. Causing massive blood lost, my grandfather went through another few operations. Doc ask us to expect the worst. Low pulse and having fever, chances are slim. Again, those animals outside waiting are discussing about my grandpa's will. How to divide accordingly. I overheard and I jump and yelled and jump and jump and shouted at them, what are they thinking, discussing things like that when grandpa was fighting for his life? They went hoo haa on me and my grandfather's sister was saying that should give me a share cos I am the eldest grandchild and grandfather loved me. I do not want grandfathers money. I do not need them. I am mad at them for being like animals. Even if you ARE an animal, please somehow make some effort to act like you aren't one. Sigh. Anyway, thank god my grandfather recovered despite of the odds. Many many thanks to the docs and nurses too.

8 quality yrs later.

Finally, he passed away quite sudden last year. But he passed away peacefully, with no pain, no suffer. I was not with him when he passes away. By the time i reached, grandfather was already in the morgue. My brother told me that his last words was "When is tai ko ko (means eldest brother) coming back?" in a weak and confused state. My brother answered "Soon, he is on the bus." My brother didn't tell me that until I got back. I don't know how to react when he told that..... I do not want all this drama limelight to be focus on me. Why me? I hated my role in this series of Hong Kong/Korean drama.

The finale, was the part where I have to except that my grandfather was in that little urn. How can a plum plum/chubby/round round/short short happy(sometimes grumpy) old man able to fit into such an urn. I know its stupid, but during that time, this is not very logical to me. My heart sunk more deeper. I always massages his shoulder, make fun of his bald head and kiss his oily face. All is left is powder and broken bones. I can't physically feel and touch him anymore. This feeling is so weird. So surreal.

Yeye, I am so proud of you and will not ever forget you. I will carry your principle and walk proud as your grandson. Rest in peace my dearest grandpa.

My Fav Song

This is one of the song which I cried so hard. Yeah yeah i am a softie. I really dont fancy for great love, proving love by this and sacrificing for that. I just want a simple life where everybody is fine and nothing unusual. Boring vs Great love (happy +sacrifices/heaven and earth = great love), i choose boring. Sometimes, you wish that your love will be so dramatic that you can prove your love by overcoming so great sacrifices or end up losing youself of someone, just to paint out a giant great love, but for what? If you can think beyond that, you will understand that by having each other in a most boring way is the best ending.

Return to Love by Giela Zilkha (Jazz Version)


Return to Love by Tomoe Omi (Japanese Version)


My self-delusional impression of the of the song:
I am leaving. Please dont cry, please smile for me instead. Let me wipe away your tears. We will somehow, return to love, one day. I wish I am the one to love u forever, but I am leaving now. Dont loose hope, as your future is still bright. Its all going to be alright. Its just part of our journey. So, pls sit by me, lets enjoy the stars in the sky, and lets make a wish, a wish that we will return to love, again some day.

I wish I will never have to say these words in the future. Never...... ever.

I Missed My Grandpa

I will never forget him.

Forgotten Happy Moments

I just found some of my long lost forgotten happy moments. They always give me chuckles and sometimes a few slaps my on my face (for those very very very embarrassing moments... sigh). Its not good to dwell in the past. But is not good to totally forget it all either. Sometimes it happened for a reason, either to remind us about the mistake, to remember someone dear, to remind ourselves that we are 'sorta' lucky too. Take this chance, while enjoying the music below, pick up some of your pasts. Replay it. Appreciate your memories for they won't last forever.


FORGOTTEN MEMORIES - Piano
Bitter Sweet - Piano Style :)