My Grandpa, My beloved Yeye

My grandpa is a nice plum plum/chubby/round round/short short happy(sometimes grumpy) old man. He is the greatest person in my life. And my greatest lost in my life. This song is dedicated to him.

Obokuri-Ee Umi (Obtain Bearing) performed by Ikue Asazaki


I lost my mom when I was 7. And he came to the rescue. Shouldering both the role of as my grandfather and my mother. His love and care for us (me/bro/sis) is no less than any other proud mother in the world. He walked me to school. By walking means he walked, and i took school bus. He is so kind that he dont want to trouble the bus driver, even the driver insisted. He will wait for me the whole morning till recess. And come back to pick me up later that day.

He does most of the house hold work and cooks for us. His cooking was, well.... very experimental. Normally ends up with the weirdest of the weird. We will have to close our eyes and swallows most of them. But I really don't mind if he can cook for me again. I will taste them with all my heart.

He will often cry shamelessly in front of the tv, whenever news broadcasts some less fortunate people. And immediate remind us that we should be grateful. There are lots of other people suffering out there. He teaches us to be kind to animals. We end up forming a kitty rescue mission. Whenever we hear poor stray kittens yelling, we will hunt down and rescue them. They are normally new borns that fell into drains.

He will clean us when we are in a mess. Especially after 'biggie' and some other worst situations. We will wipe out butt, and cheekily say..." Haiyah, so old already still want granpa to clean your butt. Will you all remember and help to wipe granpa's when I am old, wheel chaired and senile?"
Without much of a thought, I answered yes. I was 7, and I just wanted the whole ordeal to finish so I can continue whatever I am doing.

13 yrs later.

One day, my grandpa was accompanying my uncle for a medical checkup. Since my uncle is not really nice person, my grandpa keeps nagging in the car, till the point when reaching the hospital, he was rushed to the emergency department instead, for breathing difficulty. After a detail check up, doctor recommended a 'balloon' treatment for some blocked arteries. Everything went smooth and then before he was discharged, he had urinal problem and so, did a prostate gland operation. During that period, I was beside him almost every night. Work in the morning, the went home to bathe after work, and then went straight to hospital to accompany him till morning, rushed home, bathe and go to work. That was my routine during that few month. Felt tired during some moments, but I don't mind. I love him. How can I just leave him at night, especially when he was on medication, which turns him into a troublemaker. We don't want to trouble the nurse. Its our grandpa, our responsible. So, I will sleep near him on a chair, feeding mosquitoes and attend to his needs at night.

During that period, he cant bend really much. So when he need to do his business, he need to do it in a standing position. Of course, messy. I will be the one normally accompany him to the toilet hold on to him during the process and clean his mess up. Often, he tears and felt so sorry. But I told him that I DO remember our promise when I was young, that I will too wipe his butt if one day he needs us. I told him not to thank me. Instead thank yourself for teaching us humanity. It was all his credit for what I am now.

I found out that I despise my uncles. Deep inside my heart, I am more than willing to clean up my grandfather, where they will hesitate and change the subject whenever my grandfather needs to go to the loo. But that is still fine. I don't mind at all having grandpa all by myself. But the worse things is, they brag about what they have done for grandfather. "I rushed from work to come here to see father, I rushed and find the best porridge for father, I have to cancel this and that to make time to see father". Poor grandfather. They are his sons. I will never ever forgive them. This IS my grudge. Do you think I will give you the respect you deserve after this? I never realized humans can be so foul and disgusting, especial that they share the same blood line with me. High education my ass. They hold high degrees and full of moral, and yet, they are afraid to soiled their hands touching their own father. Fine fine. This is my granfather's story, not mine, so i will stop here.

My grandfather was healing, but the prostate problem still not over yet. So the docs suggested to do some sort of drilling in to the urinal tube. Thats where the drama started. The operation somehow backfired. During the drilling process, the bladder had a minor explosion, cause by the reaction from the drilling and some 'gas' inside the bladder. This sure is one strangest case, cos its the first time in Malaysia. Causing massive blood lost, my grandfather went through another few operations. Doc ask us to expect the worst. Low pulse and having fever, chances are slim. Again, those animals outside waiting are discussing about my grandpa's will. How to divide accordingly. I overheard and I jump and yelled and jump and jump and shouted at them, what are they thinking, discussing things like that when grandpa was fighting for his life? They went hoo haa on me and my grandfather's sister was saying that should give me a share cos I am the eldest grandchild and grandfather loved me. I do not want grandfathers money. I do not need them. I am mad at them for being like animals. Even if you ARE an animal, please somehow make some effort to act like you aren't one. Sigh. Anyway, thank god my grandfather recovered despite of the odds. Many many thanks to the docs and nurses too.

8 quality yrs later.

Finally, he passed away quite sudden last year. But he passed away peacefully, with no pain, no suffer. I was not with him when he passes away. By the time i reached, grandfather was already in the morgue. My brother told me that his last words was "When is tai ko ko (means eldest brother) coming back?" in a weak and confused state. My brother answered "Soon, he is on the bus." My brother didn't tell me that until I got back. I don't know how to react when he told that..... I do not want all this drama limelight to be focus on me. Why me? I hated my role in this series of Hong Kong/Korean drama.

The finale, was the part where I have to except that my grandfather was in that little urn. How can a plum plum/chubby/round round/short short happy(sometimes grumpy) old man able to fit into such an urn. I know its stupid, but during that time, this is not very logical to me. My heart sunk more deeper. I always massages his shoulder, make fun of his bald head and kiss his oily face. All is left is powder and broken bones. I can't physically feel and touch him anymore. This feeling is so weird. So surreal.

Yeye, I am so proud of you and will not ever forget you. I will carry your principle and walk proud as your grandson. Rest in peace my dearest grandpa.