Black & White

Oh, and I forgot to mention this part of me. And I to share with all of you.
I have this dream when I was around 5/6 years old. My mother was alive then. I did not dare to tell her about it.

I always like animals. They are cute and gullible and nice to play with. But this time, I dreamt of 2 white rabbits, a mother rabbit and her child. I played with both of them and I felt very happy during the moments. And then, I decided to tie up the mother. I toke out a knife or cleaver (cant remember the details) and slowly cut her child's legs one by one, in front of her. I can almost visualize the bone crunching feeling on my cleaver, as I forced it against the child's legs, on the wooden cutting board.'Crack'. Since rabbit doesn't yell/scream (at least they dont in my dream), its was a silent struggle. Suddenly this strange feeling of enjoyment rushed inside of me. Its cruel and I like it. Very much. To ensure the maximum sensation, I decided to rubbed the mother rabbit's face against the blood of her own child. I thought I saw the mother shed a tear........ fulfilling.

It was then I woke up. This mixed up feeling was new to me. Guilt, sad, cruel, scared that pains my heart now mixed with joy and happiness. Strange but I like it. Ever since, I knew there is a Black & White inside of me.
Don't worry guys. Until today, I don't enjoy killing even an ant. Posting this out is kinda of strange. Its like exposing myself, bare naked. Its......fulfilling....

P.S. I still like animals very much. Especially cute ones. Totemo kawai desu! Want to see how they looked in blood red? LOL. :P